weeknote 24.03
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Been writing 'handairy' daily pages since second half of june. That's almost 60 pages now. Every morning at breakfast at home or at a cafe before noon in town I write a note using my eInk tablet Onyx BOOX Air2, export it as single image (and OCR'd txt) to my home page using my NextCloud (where my home page filesystem is mounted to as an external storage). I'm a bit fascinated that I keep doing it. It's a 5-10min thing where I feel I have a carte blanche to write something either poetic, hermetic, or explanatory, or even diagrammatic.
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I also have a longer (relatively) streak (4 weeks) writing updates to my membership-powered The Backstairs Tone letter. I feel somewhat accomplished and I intensely hope I can keep up, considering it's summer and less stress pressure work. I actually want it to grow, it's now barely looking out of the soil.
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I've been not using my car for most of the month and have instead done cycling. Lots, more or less daily: morning drive from home to studio is about 7km, about 25min. Some days I did it twice or combined with the office in Šiška (other part of town). And despite the heat it's been really fun. I've been thinking about Aotearoa (New Zealand) cycling trip I did in 2007 a lot lately.
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Stela (our doggo, 18y) is still walking although barely. Back legs are gradually giving up their function. Going downstairs is impossible without help. Sometimes upstairs too. It's quite hard to wait, to question when is it be enough suffering or not yet. She's the sweetest.
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In terms of queer gender expression (and identity) I'm more confused than I was. Or at least I lost a stronger grip on what I thought I wanted. Now it's kinda subdued and blurred. I read a lot on "autogynephilia", which shouldn't exist, thanks Julia Serano. But, is it a kink? A fetish? Or something else. Why the shame? Why reservations? What do I want to show to public, and why, and what should ve part of intimate situation, and what I need to keep completely to myself? Ten thousand questions, and no answers. Only posts by ALOK.
